Ways To Annoy A Literary Agent

(For funny responses, see http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com/)

• Start off by saying “This is going to need a lot of editing…”
• Tak lyk thiz. (If you understood that, good job.)
• Say your mother found the book amazing. 
• Say that the book will be the next bestseller. 
• Cite J.K. Rowling, Stephenie Meyers, J.R.R. Tolkein, and Sarah Dessen as authors whose books yours resembles. 
• Say that it has “great potential to be a movie”
• Tell the agent that your book is 300,000 words. 
• Putting “Dear Mr/Mrs” at the top of your query
• Plead with the agent not to put it in the slush pile. 
• Threaten the agent. 
• Say “Here’s my number when you decide you want to work with me: xxx-xxx-xxxx. Also, I demand no less than a seven-figure contract.”

Any other ideas?